Have you read the blog, stuffchristianslike.net? It's fantastic. Anyway, I got the book version for my birthday and have been loving it. One of the articles Thinking You're Naked has recently applied to me lately in all sorts of ways.
Lizzy had a few friends over while their lovely parents went out on a date night. Right before they arrived, she had wet the bed. We're 99% accomplished on this potty training thing, but it just so happened we had "a ack-cent" as she would say. (And of course it would be when we were expecting company, when do children ever do something when you have tons of time to clean it up? You know what I'm talking about.) So as we were putting sheets in the wash, I hear Lizzy tell her friends, "I had a ack-cent" very matter-of-factly. There was no shame in her voice. I looked over at my husband, and I either thought it, or I said to him, "She doesn't know she's supposed to be embarassed."
Wow. What a thing for a mom to think. Lizzy is three years old. Why should she be embarrassed to have an accident? I was totally projecting and I'm glad she wasn't around to hear me say it. She is a tiny sponge-shaped person who mimics just about everything I do and say. Really, she's so animated while talking I can only imagine how I must come across to her. But this notion of learning shame has really boggeled me down. It's bad enough other people are pushing their perceptions of how we should behave and what is acceptable Self-talk is just as bad, and Lizzy is internalizing everything. That is to say, she's learning how to behave, speak, and interact with others - and we're the people who are teaching her.
It's a cluster of x-rays that are all beaming at me at once. We are going through Galations at church, learning behavior is not what endears us to God. I'm learning in my own personal therapy sessions I think I warped my brain into telling myself I'm not acceptable unless I'm doing the right things (what I consider to be the right things). And finally a blow to my heart in this article about how God truely loves us regardless of ________. Whatever it is, because everyone has something. Everyone. So I'm embracing that truth, I am not naked. (For those who haven't read the article, just go do it. This will make more sense and the article is short anyway. Too lazy to go to the top of this blog, you say? here : link) Truly believing you are not worthless actually boosts self-esteem quite a bit. And if I'm proud of myself for accepting His free gift, I can only imagine it made God's blog as well.
No comments:
Post a Comment